I had always felt different growing up, and it took me a long time to understand it even just a little. Around 2018 (17 years old), I decided to come out to my mum and brother as non-binary during dinner, but I’m still unsure about the result. Neither of them said anything and pretended I hadn’t either, and my mum gave me a hateful look, which hurt... but they seem to have forgotten about it.
Three years later (2021, 20 years old), I had been thinking a lot about both my gender identity and sexuality, and realised that I was attracted to women. I think I had known this for a long time, but hadn’t properly come to terms with it until that point. It was liberating to finally understand myself a bit better. I told a few friends, who were totally supportive - about half of my friends are in the LGBTQ+ community anyway.
When I came home for the holidays, my family asked what was going on with me, and I said “I think I’m gay”. I was nervous about how they’d respond, but they were completely fine with it; I guess gay is a bit more comprehendible for them than non-binary. It doesn’t bother me that they don’t know or acknowledge my gender. I no longer feel a need to tell them about that, especially since they seem to accept the way I present myself anyway.
My gender is still a bit of a mystery, and I still have things to figure out about my sexuality too. I don’t think they are quite so clear cut. But labels like ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ are enough for me at the moment, as I don’t really need specific labels to express myself. I’m just happy my friends and family accept me.
Haha, my coming out story is a bit weird, but here we go:
I came out for the first time when I was 15 in front of some good friends at a sleepover party at one of their houses. What's very important to mention is that we all come from very strict religious households & met through church group. I was really sure they would cut off contact after my outing, but I just didn't want to hide anymore. Well, I then blurted it out, quickly and easily. One of the three was extremely angry (as expected) - she said it was a sin & I shouldn't choose something so "shameful" (as if I chose to do it haha). Then she looked at the other two stunned as they were completely silent. One of them suddenly started crying & said she was pansexual. The other also stammered that she doesn't think she's straight. We then talked about everything calmly - but the one friend left quickly and we haven't been in contact since.Instead, I now have my own queer clique consisting of me (lesbian), a pansexual & one who doesn't know what she is yet 😀
I came out as trans when I was 18. I told my girlfriend that I was a boy and wanted to be a boy. She didn't like it, so I stopped talking about being trans. 3 years later, when I was 20/21 (2018), I finally realized that I couldn't hide anymore. I came out to my parents, who struggled a lot with me being trans. My mum came around after about 3 months, my father still struggles to this day (4 years later). My grandma was the most chilled - she talked with my grandpa (who has dementia) and together they learned my new name and pronouns. They never slipped once. My friends still love me and my Fiancé accepts and loves me unconditionally, whatever decision I make.
My heart was beating so fast that I could hardly hear my own thoughts. I've always been comfortable with my queerness, but when I stood in front of my parents, I felt like the world was ending: "Mum, Dad, I'm not straight!". After what felt like an excruciating eternity, my mum said: "Lisbeth, we had no idea! Thank you so much for confiding in us, it really means a lot to us". Yep... and that was the coming out in front of my parents – quickly, easily, and luckily without any problems 🙂
This is my coming out story as Transgender MtF. I had my first coming out when I was in the army. However, that was a few months before Obama officially allowed trans people to serve there openly. My time was nearly over, and my supervisor tried to get me to sign an extension. He realized my struggle - because I really wanted to stay there on the one hand, but felt really trapped on the other, as I couldn't come out as trans. I decided to tell him about my worries - and he told me he wouldn't want to have me any longer (and kind of insulted me). As you can imagine, I chose to leave the army. It was really tough for me to give up on my dream just because they don't accept me for who I am. We live in a really fucked up world y'all. However, I'm glad people like you (the RainbowWarriors) exist to realize projects like this! Keep it up.
I came out to my friend by writing an email to her - I was just too scared to tell her in person. To be honest, I thought she wouldn't accept it & reject our friendship. Within just a few minutes she replied "Thanks for trusting me, I love you. Wanna go out tonight?". Since then, we became even closer, and she became by far the most supportive person in my life ❤
Thought you've already heard the most miserable coming out story? Well, listen to this:
When I was 13 my found some queer stuff on my phone. She didn't even talk to me about it (it took me some weeks to even figure out that she knew) but directly packed my stuff and threw me out. Well... she contacted all my relatives and my friends' parents to tell them not to let me in because I'm a big shame and everyone who supports me will be a sinning believer (my environment is extremely conservative religious). After living on the street for nearly an entire year, a social worker "found" me. It took some time to trust her, but when I did, I told her my entire story. At that point my life changed, I got support, for the first time ever met other queer people and started to accept myself for who I am. I am 21 now, have a supportive environment, am happy with being pan & work as a social worker myself. Life can be though af. But keep going, it WILL get better!
Last year (when I was 14) my friends and I were talking about the CSD (actually, mainly they were). I said that I’m not sure, whether I was cis (felt right at that moment) and to be honest they didn’t really react. Well, they did take notice of it, and we did talk about it for a short while, but it was all very uncomplicated and positive 🙂
A little over a year ago today, I came out as bisexual to my parents. Looking back at it now, I realize that I had no reason to worry. I told them face to face, simply, and they reacted with kind words of acceptance and encouragement; just as I should have predicted. Only weeks later I told my best friend as well as my grandmother; and both were very happy for me.
I’m aware of the fact that I’ve been very lucky - even though I have a homo- and transphobic relative who still doesn’t know the truth - and I’m incredibly thankful for that. From my experiences I have learned that things sometimes go better than expected, that you should - if possible - go for it, and that you are allowed to still question and change your mind after coming out. <3
I had my coming out last year and my parents took it pretty well. Only my grandparents can’t cope with it. They say I’m not normal and that they are ashamed of me. It hurts like hell to hear that, since I actually love them a lot. Well, I still accept myself the way I am, and they have to learn to deal with it.
So, I planned my coming out for a long time. I was trying to find different ways that would be good to come out. I decided, I was going to do it at my birthday party. I was having a sleepover at my house and my friends all knew that this was the day I was planning on coming out. For a while I actually forgot I was supposed to come out that day, ‘cause I was having fun. Then one of my friends reminded me that I had promised. At first, I was like “oh yeah”, but when it was actually time to go up to my mom, I panicked and ran back to where I was sleeping. I did this multiple times, but after a heart to heart with one of my friends I agreed. When I went up to my mum, my friends began recording and I was freaking out, so I just started crying for ages. I just stood there until my mum suggested we go upstairs, so me, my mum and my friends went upstairs and for a while I just sat there crying until I gained the courage to say, “I’m Bi”. She just laughed and said, “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” and we all started laughing. After this I went downstairs and sat next to my dad in the sofa and told him as well. When I told my dad, it wasn’t as emotional, ‘cause I felt really comfortable in the situation, but it was still nice. He said “Ok, I love you” and smiled. After chatting for a while we went back to where we were sleeping.
I took a lot of time for my coming out, because at first I wanted to be 100% sure who I am and had to muster up the courage to be able to share this with my environment, because after that there was no turning back, after that it becomes reality. In 2017, at the age of 26, I was ready. At lunch with my mother, it practically bursted out of me: "Mom, I think I'm gay...". Then, I told my father, then my sister, and then my closest circle of friends. I got nothing but positive reactions throughout, and the more I outed myself, the easier it became. And the "I think" turned into "I am."
I know this is not a very exciting story, but there are people who are afraid of coming out (I was too) and only hear about horrible horror scenarios. I would like to show them that there is another way! One is also accepted and loved!
And I am very glad that I waited until I was ready for it, because my outing is about me and not about the others.
My story begins around the years 1997/1998. At some point I realized that I am attracted to both sexes. I was attracted to both male and female bodies.
But I didn't really understand that. I exchanged with a friend who already had her coming out for herself. I didn't really understand myself and it was more or less fantasies in my head. I was afraid.
Society was different back then and I didn't really know what was going on with me.
So I dreamed. I started to bury the thoughts and let them out only sometimes.
Until about the year 2002/2003.
One evening with a friend. He sleeps with me, we watched porn. We start and it comes what must come.
But he was embarrassed. 1-2 minutes, later we did not touch each other. Then there is silence.
Nobody talks. We ended it. Nobody talks about it anymore. A cloak of silence spreads, until today. We never talked about it again. Our friendship ended that night.
I keep silent about myself too.
I don't talk about it anymore. Push it away. I lead a heterosexual life. I tried it out with women, even though it nibbled at me. I thought about it sometimes. What would it be like. It came over me, but I recoiled.
Don't live anything, don't try anything. It remains in the imagination.
I told my wife about my inclination only at the beginning of the second year of our relationship.
A shock for her. Am I enough for her? I shrink back again. Push it away. But in the course of our relationship I do not succeed in suppressing it permanently. Every now and then, fantasies arise. We look for solutions together. But they are only fantasies. A web. A wish. Nothing more. It remains vague. I don't really deal with it, but I think I am already outed. I am quite clear about what I want and what I don't want, I am quite clear about myself and my desire and especially about my self-image. That was a fallacy.
At the beginning of this year, my wife and I decided to open up our marriage. It's a great concept, a beautiful idea. I'm on fire. Trying out what I've always wanted to do. Great. I have a date with a man. The first time in my life I meet a man with what could go. I am excited. I am curious. I am totally overwhelmed. During the date I get weak in the knees. I can no longer think properly, no longer walk properly. We only talk to each other. No touching, no tenderness or anything like that. Just a conversation.
20 years of suppressed thoughts and feelings make their way and I break.
I don't realize it at first. The feelings are so overwhelming.
It shakes everything. Who am I? Am I still a man? Who was I? Am I still a husband? Can I still be a father?
I am losing my grip.
I reach for everything that gave me support in the last few years.
I reach for my wife. I hold her tight, crush her.
We almost failed.
Today I see a little clearer. I can think again.
I am still in the process. But I feel myself again.
I know who I am now more than before.
I still have things to figure out about myself, but it's all exposed now. I just have to look. It's not buried anymore. It's open in front of me.
Since 1990 I secretly looked for boys and immediately to a girl. This "game" I drove full 30 years, despite the fear of being rejected or ostracized, I always had. "Will the whole world be gay, or SHE now lives with a woman together". My great cousin; great woman!
On 6/10/2019, 10:45 pm, 42 years old, I could take no more and broke down. My best buddy doesn't mind me being gay but avoids contact. My sister wouldn't talk and was evasive. My parents by letter, don't go to CSD with me because there are weird dressed people walking around. (Me in fetish!?) Only I am, now so strong that I can live without them. They are homophobic since I can think, I am gay since birth. I am not wrong or abnormal, as they taught me. But the most important thing, we are a community, indeed with corners and quirks, but we're certainly not alone! Find yourselves and live as you are. Mine has been for almost two years, so infinitely fulfilled. What remained for me, from my old circle, is my best friend. She holds me when it hurts too much. Before and after my coming out, my family hurts me. Why should I go back to them? They don't understand me anyway.
I am gay! And proud, I can say it!
I came out as gay in eighth grade, but only to my friends, so my family didn't know. In the ninth grade (at 16) my mother asked me why two men were kissing on my profile picture. I had pulled my courage together and said that I like it and that she shouldn't tell my father. I am now 20 years old, my father has known for three years and I get from friends (which also talk to my father) that he still hopes that everything is just a phase and he sees me rather with a woman at my side. I have been with my boyfriend for six months and he just doesn't accept him.
It all started with the one girl who entered my life as my best friend. After a while, I fell in love with her. She had a confirmation when my mum finally understood what was going on. I wrote a letter for her just before the ceremony which I unfortunately forgot at home. It said that I loved her and things. Everyone was very shocked, but my mother and my big sister coped very well with it, but my father didn't take it too well...
I've been thinking since 2018 that I might be bisexual. I told 2 friends at the end of 2019 and then a few other friends sometime in 2020. At first I was a bit scared of the reactions because we never talked about it. I then started telling more and more friends that I think this, where the reactions were all positive, thankfully. I haven't told my parents yet because I don't feel like talking about it at the moment. My father probably has a suspicion because he picked me up at a place the other day that had something to do with LGBTQ, so maybe he suspects something. But if that's the case, I don't care because I don't want to talk to my parents about it.
When I came out in grade 9/10, I was bullied by many people, but my very close friends stood by me. My family, on the other hand, hated me at first, especially my father and mother. But after 2 years they accept it. Only my grandma and dad think it's a phase, but they love me either way.
"I still love you like a sister.... er, a brother!". My best friend (whose family took me in after my own kicked me out in the wake of the pre-coming out struggle and associated behaviour) falls around my neck and decides on the battle plan: "We're going to cook noodles and then we'll pick a name for you!". I nod, a little overwhelmed.
By midnight we have reduced the extensive lists of names to two and a half with the help of an ingenious system. I wake up the next morning with a never-before-seen clarity and know my name - which the local court will confirm only five and a half years later 😉
I've actually had 3 big coming outs, one with my mum, one with my dad and one completely public. Of course, at first I only told my closest friends, but somehow that doesn't count, does it? Well, with my mum I first sought help from a person in the family who I knew was tolerant, my uncle. Then I came out to my mum with him (my mum had hardly ever spoken out about homosexuality, so if I had known that she was tolerant, I wouldn't have needed my uncle). Then I came out to my dad, he was already pretty homophobic and it was a bit difficult with him, I told him when we were arguing. The argument was about why I have so many secrets on my mobile and then I said "if you knew, you would reject me". Then we didn't talk for a day, but the next day he came to me and said "you are my son, I love you no matter what". With my dad it took a few months until he accepted it 100%, but now he fully supports me ^^. My public coming out happened because of bullying. I was bullied at school and called a "faggot". Not because I "looked" like being gay, on the contrary, 80% of the people were completely surprised by my coming out. It was more just to hurt me, faggot was just one of many words. Well, I got fed up and came out on Instagram in the stories and said something like "I'm actually gay, yes. You can hate me all you want, I'm proud of it". The next day at school, some of the boys who had insulted me came to me and actually apologised and said that I had real courage. On average, girls are more tolerant than boys and I noticed that 90% of the girls wanted to talk to me about it and thought it was really cool.
So, yes, those were my 3 coming outs, since then I feel really free, no longer so depressed and afraid. I can only recommend this, show who you are, suppressing who you are or trying to change it is useless, BE proud and show yourself
I came out to my close family as bi-/ pansexual three times - twice without any reaction, the third time my mother snapped at me that I shouldn't keep saying it, she already knew. When I explained that the first few times I didn't know if they had heard me at all, because it was always relatively casual (I just didn't want to make such a big deal out of it) she said I should have "just done it properly"... With the extended family, it was always in a somewhat drunk state, most recently with my very right-wing conservative grandparents. Most of my family isn't really interested and the rest are completely okay with it, I had imagined it would be much worse and I'm happy that on the whole it worked out quite well. I'm curious to see if the reactions will be similar if/when I also come out as non-binary at some point...
When I came out as bisexual (biromantically asexual, to be quite precise) to a friend from school, she just looked weird and ran out of my house crying. She then blocked me everywhere and completely avoided me. This was very painful for me and didn't make it any easier to continue exploring my identity, but I still managed and have been through a few labels since then (trans, grey asexual and panromantic) and luckily my outings in the future have gone better (for the most part). I now have a great circle of friends with lots of queer people, am dating a non-binary person andhave a family that supports me unconditionally even if they don't always understand me 100%. It really does get better! There are people out there who will love you for exactly who you are - so get out there and find them!
When I wanted to come out, I started looking for coming out stories from others. That was at the beginning of the year and that was when I realised that I "like" both, girls and boys. I then told some friends that I was bisexual and the reactions couldn't have been better! I also confided in them that I wanted to tell my parents, but that I was very scared about it. They told me that my parents would take it well, but I was still really scared to tell them. So I wrote them a letter explaining how I found out I was bi and that it wasn't just a phase. They both read it and accepted it very well. I also told my cousins and other friends and everyone reacted really well. Since then I've been feeling much better because it's just out!